Month Nineteen Letter

Hello my Maddy-licious,

Happy birth... er... annivers... month? Happy month day, Maddy! Today you nineteen months old. Careening towards two years at break-neck speed.

Today is a very special day, other than the same day as your birth. Today, my girl, you PEED IN THE POTTY. This morning your diaper was totally dry when I went to get you so I thought why not try the potty... I sat you down and we pulled up the IKEA catalogue and starting naming things. And then? And THEN? I heard the sound of pee hitting the pink plastic bowl. I CHEERED. I mean loud, excited, bouncing, screaming cheering. The dogs cowered in fear, but you loved it. You announced to me "Pee. Pot-tee." And then you flushed. And I danced and sang and praised you like mad. Then we put on your diaper and pants. And then I may have taken a picture of the potty *blush* because... well... it seemed like the right thing to do, to record a milestone. Then, since it's the potty on the floor, I had to dump and clean out the potty (which is gonna be horrible when we start #2... *shudder*). I am so so so proud of you, Maddy. I know you had no control over the decision to let the pee go. But I think you know, now, that peeing in the potty is a good thing to do. And maybe we'll start small - a pee in the morning. And then maybe a pee before bed? Oh argh... I have no clue what to do next.... Time to research.

Otherwise you are awesome. Awesome! So verbal and so independent and so funny and so adorable. You are my awesome toddler girl. Yesterday you went for your second hair cut (mostly a bang trim) so you're looking quite dapper. Daycare has been closed for the last 2 weeks, so you and baba have been hanging out together and having so much fun doing errands and playing. On Wednesday you even came in to my work, to meet the people here and so I could show you off. Mostly, it was so I could see you for a bit during the day. To watch you run with abandon through the halls and look into offices and name those things you could name.

There was a time when you were grumpy if you had to be home all day but now we just have to take you upstairs to the boxes of books and you are so happy! You still love books so much. You love to look at the pictures and hear the sounds of the words and point out and name everything that you can. Both you dad and I love books too, so I think this fascination is genetic. But it makes me so happy to see your face light up at any "book-a book-a book-a".

Tomorrow we're trying something new. We're going to take you to a friend's place and the babysitter will put you down, in the pack and play. And then we're going out with adults. To be couples and friends and not-parents. Once the adulting is over, then we'll take you home and hopefully you'll transition well with that sleep disruption. If not? It's dad's morning to wake up with you *grin*. But I am still going to be a crazy woman and write out detailed instructions about what we do to lay you down (down to naming "tree" as we brush your teeth and you look out the window) and bring your sleep sack and Odg and pjs and milk and other toys... we'll have it all. Don't tell your dad that I wrote this all down in detail, he'll mock me, but I have been so protective with your sleep schedule, after all the hassle we went through the first 6 months. This is a test... this is only a test. We'll see how it goes.

Happy nineteen months, my girl. My life is now divided into LBM (life before maddy) and LAM (life after maddy). There was over 35 years of LBM and only 19 months of LAM. But these 19 months have been the most amazing and fun and meaningful months of my world. LAM is when it all really started for me, when those blurry ideas of what my life is meant to be came clear. I was meant to be your mom, and see the world again with you, through your eyes. It's made me see myself more clearly, it's made me more complete.

I love you so much Maddy. Happy 19th month-day, my girl.

Love always and forever,

Mommy